The first habit that I will be working on this week is Seek First to Understand and Then Be Understood. The emphasis in this habit is to be an empathetic listener before offering my own opinions or ideas. Being an effective listener shows others how I would like to be listened to and allows me to demonstrate how respectful I am when listening to others’ ideas. If I am respectful when others’ are talking and sharing, they will respect my ideas in return. This will create a respectful, positive sharing experience which will increase my credibility as a leader and my sphere of influence.
After learning about this habit, it is something that seems like it is common sense. When I am sharing my ideas, I always feel valued when someone is really listening. Therefore, I need to focus on doing the same in return when others are talking. This includes not judging, probing or giving advice while others talk. Instead, I need to work on actively listening to others to show that I am respectful and empathetic to their ideas and concerns. I have had plenty of experiences where people do not listen to my ideas. Having experienced this, I know how damaging it can be to a working relationship. I tend to share my ideas freely and openly with others to create a type of collective community with my team. When I feel that people do not listen to my ideas or engage in thoughtful conversations about them, I feel disregarded. I’ve felt this way before and it’s never occurred to me that it is a habit that people need to work on.
I know I can be great listener. I can be quiet, listen and just support others. However, there are times when I share my ideas before listening to others. The difference between the times when I’m a good listener and when I share my ideas is when I am eager to contribute to the conversation. It is not out of the need to be controlling, but a need to contribute and participate. Nevertheless, I see the value in simply listening to others before contributing. Listening first, offering my ideas, and then brainstorming is a great method to use when working together. I need to slow down and listen first. I tend to listen for a little while, come up with my own ideas that I’m eager to share, and may tend to interrupt others and begin brainstorming before they are done talking. This only tends to happen with people I feel really comfortable working with, but I will start working on this. There are also plenty of other times when others do not listen to my ideas, so I just stay quiet when brainstorming. I listen to their ideas, I try to offer mine, but when I receive an immediate “no” to my idea without justification, I shut down and quietly listen the rest of the time. This is not an effective way to communicate. I cannot control how others act, but I can control how I act (I remember this from habit one - Be Proactive!) so I will work on listening first when I am with others. For the other times when I am not listened to myself, I will remember this habit and how much more effective it would be if the other person I am talking to knew about Stephen Covey’s Habits of Highly Effective People.
When discussing this habit with my colleague Courtney this week, I will make sure to give examples of times when I was a good listener to show how I am working on this habit. Teachers always have struggles throughout their days, weeks and years of teaching. I am a teacher that always listens and supports other teachers when they need it. This is not necessarily the part that I need to work on. The part I need to work on is when myself and others are brainstorming ideas, I need to listen to others before sharing my ideas. This is difficult to do with two new team members because I feel that I need to “watch out” for them and tell them how things are done. However, I need to demonstrate that I respect and value their ideas and listen to them first before sharing my ideas or how things are normally done at our school. Listening, then sharing, can lead to a more effective team because we may brainstorm a new way to do things that has not been done before. It’s not about who is right. It’s about what is best.
After learning about this habit, it is something that seems like it is common sense. When I am sharing my ideas, I always feel valued when someone is really listening. Therefore, I need to focus on doing the same in return when others are talking. This includes not judging, probing or giving advice while others talk. Instead, I need to work on actively listening to others to show that I am respectful and empathetic to their ideas and concerns. I have had plenty of experiences where people do not listen to my ideas. Having experienced this, I know how damaging it can be to a working relationship. I tend to share my ideas freely and openly with others to create a type of collective community with my team. When I feel that people do not listen to my ideas or engage in thoughtful conversations about them, I feel disregarded. I’ve felt this way before and it’s never occurred to me that it is a habit that people need to work on.
I know I can be great listener. I can be quiet, listen and just support others. However, there are times when I share my ideas before listening to others. The difference between the times when I’m a good listener and when I share my ideas is when I am eager to contribute to the conversation. It is not out of the need to be controlling, but a need to contribute and participate. Nevertheless, I see the value in simply listening to others before contributing. Listening first, offering my ideas, and then brainstorming is a great method to use when working together. I need to slow down and listen first. I tend to listen for a little while, come up with my own ideas that I’m eager to share, and may tend to interrupt others and begin brainstorming before they are done talking. This only tends to happen with people I feel really comfortable working with, but I will start working on this. There are also plenty of other times when others do not listen to my ideas, so I just stay quiet when brainstorming. I listen to their ideas, I try to offer mine, but when I receive an immediate “no” to my idea without justification, I shut down and quietly listen the rest of the time. This is not an effective way to communicate. I cannot control how others act, but I can control how I act (I remember this from habit one - Be Proactive!) so I will work on listening first when I am with others. For the other times when I am not listened to myself, I will remember this habit and how much more effective it would be if the other person I am talking to knew about Stephen Covey’s Habits of Highly Effective People.
When discussing this habit with my colleague Courtney this week, I will make sure to give examples of times when I was a good listener to show how I am working on this habit. Teachers always have struggles throughout their days, weeks and years of teaching. I am a teacher that always listens and supports other teachers when they need it. This is not necessarily the part that I need to work on. The part I need to work on is when myself and others are brainstorming ideas, I need to listen to others before sharing my ideas. This is difficult to do with two new team members because I feel that I need to “watch out” for them and tell them how things are done. However, I need to demonstrate that I respect and value their ideas and listen to them first before sharing my ideas or how things are normally done at our school. Listening, then sharing, can lead to a more effective team because we may brainstorm a new way to do things that has not been done before. It’s not about who is right. It’s about what is best.